Is there anything less attractive than a man
stood completely naked apart from wearing a pair of socks?
Yes there is.
28 men stood completely naked apart from
wearing socks (some odd), in a car park, and wearing a full range of off road
running shoes.
Oh yes, and one person wearing a pair of
those vibram five finger running shoe thingys.
It should actually have been 29 men stood in
the car park but there was one lonely figure sat on a nearby picnic bench
clinging to his discretely positioned towel like a child not wanting to let go
of the security of his mother's hand.
Yep, that was me.
Horrified by the images that were unfolding
before me of men warming up before a race, including some sprints, strides,
squats and lunges, I decided I would keep as lower profile as possible and stay
where I was until the very last moment.
Unfortunately I obviously looked like the
new kid with no friends which provoked several well meaning runners to come and
check if I was ok.
Now, if I'm sitting on a bench with a naked
man stood in front of me, it puts my eye line just where I really don't want it
to be and is certainly not conducive to entering into light hearted banter. As the third one approached I decided it was
preferable to bite the bullet and join the crowd and I left the safety of my
towel behind.
Once we had all had numbers drawn on us by
volunteers using lipstick we headed up to an area called the meadow where the
garden chair which signified the start line was placed.
It can only have been a few minutes before
the shout of 3... 2... 1... GO was
heard, but it seemed like a lifetime to me, and certainly enough time to be
faced with one small 'athletic'
gentleman wearing a white towelling headband who insisted on warming up
with vigorous star jumps.
Anyway... the race was now underway and it
very quickly turned into what felt like a normal race. Some people disappeared
into the distance, some dropped behind and then there were the few running at
my pace.
We did two short laps of the meadow and then
headed off for three longer laps along a woodland trail which was very
pleasant.
Just as my head was beginning to think more
about running than being naked, the path exited the woods and ran right through
the centre of the caravan site where spectators had gathered with their cups of
coffee and bacon rolls to cheer us on.
The field had thinned out substantially by
now so my cunning plan to maintain anonymity in the pack was coming apart at
the seams and by the third lap I found myself on my own as I ran the gauntlet
of bemused campers watching my body parts flapping in the wind.
I'm sure it was just at this point that my
running rhythm set up a kind of propeller type, tassel twirling effect but
thankfully the spectators either didn't notice or were just polite enough not
to point it out.
The third lap allowed me to catch four or
five runners including the guy running in the vibrams and the one wearing the
headband before I passed through the car park and the naked marshals in their
yellow bibs for the final time and on up to the finish line.
A moment's lack of concentration had me
almost throwing some 'Escolme' style jazz hands in the air for the finish line
photographer but thankfully thoughts of the photo appearing on a pillow and
being presented to me at the club dinner flashed into my mind along with the
relief at having ticked the 'No Photographs' box on the entry form.
I barely broke stride as I crossed the
finish line in a bid to get back to the picnic table where the safe haven of my
towel was waiting for me. It didn't take too long for my clothes to be
back on which despite feeling strangely out of place were definitely where I
prefer them to be.
The organisers were fantastic and really did
a very good job at making me feel as much at ease as I possibly could. Whilst
it's not likely to go on my list of races I must do again, I certainly wouldn't
advise against it if anyone fancied having a go.
For more information,
visit http://www.naturistfoundation.org/BH5K_naked_run/
Jason
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